Thursday, July 27, 2006

IIIIII don't want to work, I just want to...

You guessed it--I want to watch TV all day!

Well, not quite. I do like my day job. But work has been quite busy this week, which explains the dearth of posts (or at least their brevity and lack of creativity). Since I've been so focused on work, I thought I'd do a brief post about my top ten TV workplaces! And before you ask: no, Doublemeat Palace is not on this list. (I suppose I could have listed "the graveyard" but that seems a tad morbid.)

Here they are classified ads for each position, in no particular order:

1. The West Wing
Description: Seeking young, well-educated, quirkly attractive American citizens. Democrats preferred.
Requirements: Must have 1) a sense of civic duty 2) the ability to talk very, very quickly 3) experience sublimating sexual frustration into quality work.
Benefits: A sense of purpose in life and the feeling that you're contributing to the greater good.

2. The Dragonfly Inn
Description: Seeking well-dressed, customer service-oriented front desk clerk with a desire to serve the whims and charms of small town occupants and visitors.
Requirements: Must be able to tolerate manic and eccentric colleagues and customers. No college education required, but must be able to think on your feet.
Benefits: All the witty banter and gourmet food you can stomach.

3. SD-6 (or the CIA or APO)
Description: We'd tell you, but we'd have to kill you.
Requirements: Fluent in at least 10 spoken and programming languages. Skilled with blades and weapons of all kinds. Willing to let yourself, and your personal relationships, take a hit for the job. Strong sense of patriotism. Superman (or Superwoman) complex optional.
Benefits: The knowledge that you could take anyone out. At any time. No questions asked.

4. The Daily Planet
Description: Seeking trained investigative reporter for regular columns, features, and the occasional Pulitzer Prize-winning editorial.
Requirements: Must not suffer from vertigo. Spelling skills not necessary. Myopia encouraged. Must be dogged, determined, resourceful, and a closet romantic.
Benefits: One-on-one interviews (and more) with one of the planet's most eligible bachelors.

5. Dunder Mifflin
Description: Seeking qualified salesperson with intimate, detailed knowledge of paper products and trends.
Requirements: Must be college educated, creative, assertive, communicative, and willing to be bored out of your skull by never using any of the skills or qualities previously listed.
Benefits: One amazing coworker.

6. Angel Investigations
Description: Seeking intelligent office manager with an interest in the occult.
Requirements: Must be able to wield an axe/crossbow, read ancient Etruscan, communicate with clients in the great beyond and in the office. Comfortable helping carry 240+ years of baggage.
Benefits: High probability of hook-up with hot coworker/boss--provided you're hot for a room-temperature body.

7. Mars Investigations
Description: Seeking detail-oriented, innately curious, efficient receptionist. Occasional undercover and surveillance work may be involved, at your discretion, if you have any discretion.
Requirements: Must have a PhD in snark and an above-average sense of personal responsibility. Must be canine-friendly. Hazy ethical boundaries a plus.
Benefits: Your boss will walk through fire for you. Plus, dirt on potential friends, boyfriends, and coworkers is just a mouse click away.

8. Seattle Grace
Description: Seeking medically trained intern for life-saving and liaisons.
Requirements: Scalpel skills essential. Must be able to tolerate negative feedback, function with minimal sleep, and flourish under pressure.
Benefits: Around every corner, you'll run into an attractive coworker who can cut you right to the heart--literally. Plus, there's always someone to gossip about.

9. Dean & DeLuca
Description: Seeking unskilled laborer for part-time counter job. No room for promotions--menial workers only sought.
Requirements: Must be able to take direction in heavily-accented English, be comfortable wearing a hairnet, and be open to stockroom shenanigans.
Benefits: Muffins, bagels, croissants, coffee, and all the black baseball caps you could dream of, plus a new lifelong friend, your boss.

10. Central Perk/Monk's Restaurant (tie)
Description: Seeking skilled waitress/hostess with 10+ years experience in a busy cafe environment.
Requirements: Must be able to deal with idiosyncratic, rude, self-involved regulars who may hit on you with little regard for your feelings.
Benefits: All the coffee you can drink and bragging rights to having witnessed some of the most bizarre interactions and conversations between New Yorkers.

Honorable Mention: FYI, Stuckeyville Lanes, Sports Night, WNYX, the FBI, and CTU.

Note: For a real office experience, check out Brian Baumgartner's blog over at TV Guide. Like me, the cast of The Office is at work again.


At 8:49 AM, Blogger Abbey said...

I think I would apply for some of these jobs. : ) But you know me...I'm desperate. ; ) hee hee hee

Loving this post. Very creative.

At 6:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think the CTU job descriptions would be great. Nice!!

At 8:40 PM, Blogger Joobie said...

I imagine the CTU description would be something like the SD-6 description...but I'll see if I can come up with something. :)


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