Friday, July 21, 2006

TV Ex-Boyfriends: Clark Kent/Superman

Sure, the internet was all atwitter with most-downloaded-Lois, but it was Clark who really caught my eye in the late summer of '93 when Lois & Clark premiered. From the moment he took to the skies in spandex, he owned my pre-teen heart.

Was it his irresistible maroon suit jacket/light blue shirt/patterned tie ensembles that made that heart flutter? The bashful smile and sidelong glance he'd send Lois' way? The fact that coupledom with Clark meant never having to say you're sorry you couldn't open a jar? Probably all of the above--a combination of physical strength combined with emotional vulnerability for maximum attractiveness.

Let's just review how Clark/Kal-El/Superman ranks on the scale of super-dateability.

Moral fiber: 10. "Integrity" is Superman's middle name. This is a guy who says he fights for truth, justice, and the American way...instead of fighting for booze, injustice, or the right to party, like so many of today's modern men.

Intelligence: 8. As a newspaper reporter, Clark knows his way around a sentence. He also ought to have an impressive grasp of geography in order to fly himself around the planet without getting lost. However, I docked points for his inability to dispose of that pesky kryptonite stuff in a lasting manner.

Sense of humor: 8. Though some consider puns the laziest, lamest form of humor, my grandfather would most certainly approve of Clark's aptitude for punniness. After Clark stops an escaping suspect by trapping him with a spare tire, Lois asks him, "How'd you catch up with him?" His response: "He got tired." Guffaw!

Appearance: 11. They don't call him "The Man of Steel" because he likes ironworking, people.

Sex appeal: 10. Power corrupts, and absolute power to save the world corrupts my brain with its smoking hotness. Plus, costumes!

The numbers don't lie (and neither does Superman). If you won his heart, he'd be loyal for the rest of your life...which, let's face it, might be short since you'd immediately become the prey of every twisted supervillain in the vicinity of Metropolis.

As a teenage girl, I was certain dating Clark would be worth whatever tragedy might befall me. However, as I aged my tastes changed. Superman is the ultimate good guy. As far as fictional boyfriends go, I started to like the bad boys a little better, so the time came when Clark and I had to go our separate ways. However, Dean Cain, his portrayer, will always hold a special place in my heart as my first star crush.

Fun fact: Dean was the first guy to audition for the part of Superman in Lois & Clark. They initially thought he was too young; good thing they came around!


At 1:24 PM, Anonymous TheNextKristin said...

This article was HILARIOUS! So clever.

(By the way, I'd recommend Batman since he's the ultimate superbadboy, but I want to marry him first.)


Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home